Sometimes, you just have to throw in the towel. This old heart isn’t up for the roller coaster, it is tired of slogging through the mud… and whatever other metaphor we can quote. Long story short. I’m done.
I’ve been dating, entirely online, and I am finding that I simply don’t have the patience anymore. The challenge of weeding through a list of non-contenders is exhausting. No matter how alone I may be, it is heartily welcomed, preferred even, compared to the ups and downs of trying to present my forward and honest self, only to be challenged again and again. I’d really love someone to accept me for who I am. And have the patience to really get to know me.
I’ve been doing well as far as writing is concerned. May was a good month of progress. But I’ve decided the distraction of dating isn’t worth the time it takes away from my stories. I’d rather not fight it. If I’m truly supposed to be with someone, they will figure out that I am a good guy… and a faithful guy. I’m an intelligent and caring man that has baggage just like anyone my age. OK, maybe a little more baggage, but nothing is insurmountable for the right person.
So for now, I’m on hiatus. And honestly, I shouldn’t be dating anyway. I am in no position financially or emotionally to enter into a serious relationship. I’m not a casual dater, so that’s out. I may find myself in a better position someday, but that day isn’t today, and I don’t see things changing anytime soon.
I’m really not as bitter as I may come off. I’m more frustrated than anything, and tired of giving a crap about dating and wasting time fretting and worrying, instead of putting all my effort into writing. If she’s out there, we’ll meet. If she’s worthy, that will become apparent. If I am alone my remaining days, that is ok too. I’m simply tired of trying so hard.
I wish I were a more brilliant thinking man, I’d wax eloquent on this subject, and this might actually have been a proper blog. But I don’t really have it in me to analyze this or break it down into component parts. This post is from the heart, not the head.
Thanks for reading. Comment if appropriate.